Category: Speaking and listening

Parents and children, Social and emotional development, Speaking and listening, Teaching and Learning

How Parents Should Ask Schools Questions

by KathleenLeave a Comment on How Parents Should Ask Schools Questions

When it comes to visiting school, we educators know that some parents bring with them their own mixed experiences–lots of them negative–about school.  In some cases, these feelings are so strong, they can cause a parent to avoid going to  concerts or attending spring conferences.

VG.PainterOnWaytoWorkI can help you with this, because schools have changed.  Today, there are no stupid questions you can ask about your child’s education.   No parent is expected to keep up with the latest trends and research–it’s hard enough for teachers, believe me. It is fine to bring along a list of questions you want to ask.

Here’s an example.  It’s spring, you’re at a parent conference, and the teacher is raving about the book report your child did on Susan B. Anthony. You think, a book report? What book report?  When did he read the book–I didn’t see that at home. And remind me who Susan B. Anthony is?—I’m working ten hours a day and am exhausted.

Go ahead and ask every question you have.  You won’t look stupid.  Your child’s teacher should easily answer every question without you feeling judged.  We school people need to find more and better ways to communicate with families, and this may be one area for improvement.

A final word of advice about your questions.  Sometimes the best or most important follow-up questions arise later on.  Also, you may realize you don’t understand or remember what the teacher said about something. Don’t hesitate to call or email to follow up.

We want parents to ask us questions about their child because it shows that the parents are committed to their child’s learning.

Home environment, Parents and children, Relationships, Speaking and listening, Teaching and Learning

How to Discipline Kids: Moving ON, Part III

by KathleenLeave a Comment on How to Discipline Kids: Moving ON, Part III

In the last post, I gave you a good framework to use when addressing back talk with your child.  The last step to take is moving on, bringing her back into the family’s tasks and rhythms.

Of course, neither you nor your daughter may feel like falling into each other’s arms at this point.

That’s okay.  By moving on, you demonstrate a powerful love and respect for her. I know you will do better the next time.  I love you and will stick by you no matter what. I am here to help you even when the going’s tough.

A child’s development is rarely linear.  There are not neat stages through which children pass, with infallible instructions for each. Growth is arduous and messy, trial and error, and many times the path is bumpy and rough.

Be proud of how you are raising your children to be thoughtful, thinkers in our world.

 

Parents and children, Relationships, Social and emotional development, Speaking and listening, Teaching and Learning

How to Discipline Kids: Managing Lip, Part II

by KathleenLeave a Comment on How to Discipline Kids: Managing Lip, Part II

Your child is in her room, device free, cooling off during a time out.

Choose a reasonable amount of time to leave her alone. Don’t make it too long. You want to make a point without ruining the whole day.VG.two-women-crossing-the-fields

The biggest lesson you’re about to show her is that in your family, you recognize bad behavior, address it, and then move on.

Because you are the adult, you must teach her how to do this. It is difficult but healthy, from both an educational and a developmental perspective. It demonstrates respect for your child and the consistency shows her that you love her and commit to helping her.

  1. Choose a reasonable amount of time to let her cool off. About twenty minutes is right for most children this age.
  2. Find a quiet corner and ask her to return and talk.
  3. Revisit the issue of lip and what it means to your family. Avoid arguing about what happened. Focus instead on the behavior–giving lip, back talk—and speak calmly.
  • Olivia, do you remember the rule about back talk we have in our family?
  • Why do we have that rule?
  •  You seemed angry about —-. Let her give a short explanation. There’s no need to argue over details.
  •  I know that you can think about a better way to handle your feelings.
  •  What will you do the next time you get angry?

4. End with a hug and move on.

I’ll write more about the importance of moving on in Part III.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Parents and children, Relationships, Speaking and listening

On Kindergarten Skills for Children

by KathleenLeave a Comment on On Kindergarten Skills for Children

Did you know that today’s kindergartens look like yesterday’s first grades? A kinder garten is supposed to be a “child’s garden,” which means that a kindergarten curriculum centers on child development rather than gulping chunks of academics.  Education policy makers and politicians started pushing this change years ago, with the result that everything is now driven by standardized test scores.

The case is made that children must do more, earlier, and that we must get on with delivering content.Two Children by Van Gogh  In many districts, if your kindergarten child isn’t reading by October, you can expect your child to receive endless assessments until he learns to read.

I call for the return of kindergarten to the social, emotional, behavioral, and developmental needs of children, learned through play. Skills for children to develop should center on the following:

Learn to listen. Wait your turn. Be kind. Do your work. Help others. Share. Take turns. Don’t hurt people. Play well with others. Speak nicely to all.

Children with a solid grounding in these skills will help to make the world a better place, because these skills matter in life.  Can you think of any relationship or career that doesn’t benefit from these strengths?

 

 

 

Music, Parents and children, Speaking and listening

Haydn for Happiness

by Kathleen3 Comments on Haydn for Happiness

Introduce a little classical music that washes your children with happiness. One piece from Franz Joseph Haydn’s  “Surprise Symphony” (No. 94 in G) may sound familiar to you and your children, which makes listening to it even more fun.

Part of the happiness comes from Haydn’s surprise sounds written in this piece. Some of it is that music from the classical era, which includes Haydn, Mozart, and some Beethoven, is easy listening.  Its symmetrical structure feels comfortable, the harmonies agree with the ear, and the rhythm feels as regular as a pulse.

Symmetrical, harmony, rhythmic–all good elements for happy parents and children.

 

 

Parents and children, Social and emotional development, Speaking and listening

Smart Phone Etiquette for Parents

by KathleenLeave a Comment on Smart Phone Etiquette for Parents

You and your partner are out for dinner, waiting for the nachos to arrive.  At the next table sits a family with small children who are noisy and acting up.  Their parents busy themselves with their smart phones–emails, texts, Facebook, and so on.VG.CafeTerrace

At first you relate, sympathize, understand.  You’ve been there, too.  Must be a different parenting style. Maybe their babysitter cancelled.  As the noise escalates, the mother turns and scolds the kids, and they giggle through it. Desperate, the she hands one of the kids her smart phone.

What’s happening here? Is there one big problem or several problems?

Should you offer some positive parenting tips?  Send your nachos over to calm the kids so you can eat in peace? Give them the url of an etiquette site?

Tell me your opinion or experience with this scene.

 

 

 

 

Parents and children, Social and emotional development, Speaking and listening, Teaching and Learning

Handshakes As Positive Discipline

by KathleenLeave a Comment on Handshakes As Positive Discipline

A father with two little girls approached me at a school picnic. He explained that his daughters were new students, and that the older one, Maria, was a bit worried about starting a new school.

“Say hello to Dr. Nollet,” he said to Maria.

Maria stepped forward and stuck out her hand.

“Hi, Dr. Nollet,” she said. “My name is Maria,” She made eye contact, her grasp was firm, she stood straight. A smile transformed her face.

The father said that teaching his children to look someone in the eye and shake hands properly was important to him. He’d been working on this discipline since they were preschoolers.

“I tell them anywhere they go in life, no matter what they become, it is important they greet people with a proper handshake and eye contact.”

When we discipline children, we’re instructing them. When we teach or discipline with respect, we teach respect for the other.

Positive discipline is effective discipline because it’s light-handed, substantive, and guides through practice. It lifts children up instead of putting them down while preparing them for life.

Here’s a wonderful video about mentors teaching children to handshake:

 

Family, Grandparents, Speaking and listening, Storytelling, Teaching and Learning

Family Storytelling at Thanksgiving

by KathleenLeave a Comment on Family Storytelling at Thanksgiving

After the pumpkin pie is put away, take your phone and sit with a loved one in a corner.  Ask some thoughtful questions.  Listen and record (video or audio) their responses.

Why?  You’re participating in StoryCorps’ Great Thanksgiving Listen, by asking meaningful questions of someone close to you. Storytelling is an art form that links us humans through time.  Oftentimes, some of our most personal and meaningful stories come from loved ones, like grandparents, and we should preserve them whenever we can.

Here’s how to do it.

You’ll always be glad you did.  There is no greater act of love than listening, really listening, to another human being.

 

Music, Parents and children, Speaking and listening

Talking With Kids About Paris

by KathleenLeave a Comment on Talking With Kids About Paris

The images, audio, and news about the terrorist attacks in Paris worry all of us.   The war on terror is perhaps one of the most difficult things for us to cope with because of its sinister, cruel, and unexpected aspects.panneau-liberte-egalite-fraternite

How do adults stay informed while keeping children safe from the media onslaught?

These are three ways to handle it.

First, turn off the TV and radio.  TV delivers too much live coverage of violence for children to process. Even hearing gun shots and screams on the radio is frightening for many children.

Second, as a parent you have the power to shape the interpretation of what your children learn.  Monitor what they hear and know, then talk with them about it.

Third, find out what your children have heard, think they know, or what questions they have. Answer them simply and honestly.

-Yes, bad things do happen in the world. The grownups are doing everything they can. You are safe with me.

-Look for the helpers (borrowing from MisterRogers). See how many good  people there are?

If children ask, find a way to help them express their emotions.  Painting, drawing, or sending a card or message to the nearest French embassy work.

Thanks to my eighth grade French teacher, I learned La Marseilles, the French national anthem. In solidarity with the French people, there has never been a better time to sing it.

 

Music, Parents and children, Speaking and listening, Teaching and Learning

Music Lovers Are Problem Solvers

by KathleenLeave a Comment on Music Lovers Are Problem Solvers

Problem solving stretches far beyond a math lesson, into every facet of a child’s education. When you use music as an intentional strategy, you’re building music lovers who will be problem solvers. Active listening (what do you hear?), imagination (what are the possibilities?), and sustained focus (what do you think is the composer’s message?)

You don’t need to be a music educator, nor do you need to know a lot about music to do this. Here’s one way to build music lovers and problem solvers:

  1. Start with an easy-to-listen-to piece like The Moldau, by the Czech composer Smetana. It’s about a journey down the River Moldau and what pictures the composer paints along the way.
  2. Ask children to listen for small streams, a rural wedding, white water rapids, a stately castle.
  3. Discuss what everyone heard. Play the piece again. Have students  draw what they heard.

The results show you what children heard in an unfamiliar piece of music, what they heard their peers say, and how they learned to incorporate it into a larger picture.

It’s not a stretch to see how music lovers become problem solvers. We need more of them in our world, especially ones who listen.